Point # 3 : Trust of judgment
In Many sections of the Indian culture it is a practice that a Bride/ Groom is found either thru some third party broker or thru matrimonial ads and websites. Use of website seems quite modern but it is still not as modern as you think.
What perplexes me is that Parents (Elders) who have raised you, taught you the judgment you claim to have at the age of 23+, trust a stranger's evaluation against your own judgment.
What does it tell about the belief they have in your judgment that, any choice you make (which technically comes under love marriage) is automatically not the right thing to do. Is this the failure of this generation to make an impression on the older or it is the failure of the latter that it couldn't impart the required basic judgment to take a proper decision in life.
In case an individual is considered not capable of making the right choice with out aid then that individual probably is not ready to run a family of his own. Which in itself is a very un-healthy concept as it leads to unnecessary interference of the older generation into the newly weds life creating the room for the infamous daughter-in-law vs Mother-in-law feuds (Kyu ki saas bhi kabhi bahu ti)
Now the burning issue is that Are we really learning to take responsibility of our own life and The fact that the older generation doesn't seem to feel confident in there own teaching seems to be the indication of the failure of the system.
Some thing needs to be done !
posted by WhatIsInAName at
11:35 AM
5 Comments:
I read these 3 articles and felt that writer has really deep thoughts about love marriage and arrange marriage. Because this a big topic, so my one comment cannot show all aspects. But still let me start.
Research shows that Arrange marriage is more stable then love marriage. If we analyze ARRANGE marriage, first picture which comes in our mind is a homely girl and a guy who is attached (more of dependent on) to his family. In maximum cases girl comes from a family where her mother teaches her, that You are the part of other family and your husband is your identity. The girl even never think of having her own life and friends and this reduces the chances of discrepancies and keeps the marriage going. In this case where parents met before kids, they feel that it’s their responsibility to work this out and they help bride and groom in every way of their life. Some people call it SUPPORT SYSTEM. Now look at the picture in a different way. A guy who has a great job and is ready to get married, waits for his parents to look for a girl because he doesn’t want to take his own responsibility. He knows that he can’t look for a nice girl by himself. He does not believe his own decision. In that case he’ll ask his parents to look for a girl and get married. In future if some problem will come, he’ll tell his parents “see.. what type of girl you found for me. She even doesn’t know this…” So In my view SUPPORT SYSTEM is only for dumb guys or girls, who just look for excuses, for entire their life to force his/ her weaknesses and mistake to someone else. No offence, but this is the case. This doesn’t happen if couple is mature and responsible, they work on whatever differences they have and solve by themselves.
Now Let’s talk about LOVE marriage. Here we are talking about 2 individuals who are MATURE enough to take their own decision. Two people when come along and start knowing each other they find many things which are common and many things which are different in each other. Similar taste brings you closer and opposite nature create more interest in other person. Opposite interest is very important to create a spark in a relationship. Some times when couple have more opposite and less common things, initially relationship seems very exciting. Generally couple thinks this excitement is the compatibility and that’s what they need to live their whole life. This is the very common problem which is seen in love marriage. You can say this is lack of experience. In this case SUPPORT SYSTEM is needed. But this SUPPORT SYSTEM is different then what we saw previously. In this case if you’ll tell your mom that my wife does that, make sure your mom will say “I told you don’t marry this girl, you should marry my sister’s friend’s cousin’s daughter. She is so beautiful and she can cook too.” This is not only guy’s problem girl’s mom will say the similar thing. Anyway, here SUPPORT SYSTEM means a friend or sibling who really understand you and give you right suggestion and you can resolve your differences. Usually parents doesn’t help in this case one very common reason is the generation gap and because they are parents so they’ll try to do things at your place and that can make the situation worse. Bottom line is. none of the 2 person can be alike. You have to make some compromise to make the relationship work. If compromise converts in to sacrifice, may be you choose a wrong partner. Another case of love marriage is when 2 kids fall in love and they feel that they are hero- heroine of 1990’s movies. They get married in younger age before even knowing what relationship means. In my view that’s just stupid.
5:24 PM
I agree with Kamal here. Arrange marriages should be looked at as a way to meet and interact with more no. of then you might actually do so on your own. Deciding on a life partner should be more then having parents to blame for the decisions we make.
11:12 AM
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7:19 AM
Well nidhi not all arrange marriages give the option of meeting many people, infact many a times people donot even get to interact with each other (Strange but is still true in todays context too).
Secondly due this whole parents opposing the issue reduces the number of individuals ready to get into it at the first place, hence limiting the chances automatically.
The whole idea of such discussion is that more and more people get aware and ask questions to themselves and the society.
I feel this is the least we can do, it is better than cribbing about it or sobbing about it...
7:21 AM
Indeed the posts are thought provoking. But I find these blogs very biased to the people for love marriage. I have a slightly different opinion. Its too big to fit as a comment, so posted it on my blog (visgupta.blogspot.com). Do visit and let me know the comments... :)
8:23 AM
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